sometimes, i think im just so fucking ridiculous
inexplicably, unreasonably, fucking ridiculous

i just have zero patience. grrrrrrrrrr

why even blogger's trying to piss me offf

in retrospect
as much as i would like to think i make people's life better off
i think most of the time
i end up making their lives worse off

there are some things that I really don't know how to put across to you. If i just say so blatantly, which I already tried once, it would just seem as if I am biased against the sport, and my points would not register. So I shall not attempt again. Maybe typing here helps.

First of all, I am not biased against the sport. I have nothing against the sport. I am biased against the organisation. I was forewarned much earlier on that it was like that, but I did not want to act like a wet blanket. So I let you try. And now, after so many incidents, I am quite sure that its true.
Firstly, they let someone who doesnt know shit about physical training lead physical training. Someone who does everything that you were not supposed to do during workouts, and in the events putting everyone's muscles and spine at risk. The workout regimes are, no offense, so bullshit that even a non-professional like me who goes to the gym once a year, knows that he is doing it all wrong. And everybody follows suit. Nobody even dares to bring up the point that he is doing it wrong.

Next, someone who has joined the organisation for less than a year is president. And he is a figurehead president, cuz nobody listens to him. Seniors who have themselves formed a super strong clique, can do whatever they want, and skip whatever they dont want. Like for example, a senior can choose to sit at the side and relax while other people do physical training. When the president asks him to join in, he challenges the president to a fight. Best thing is, no one stops or tells the senior off. People pull the president away instead.

And then, theres the selection criteria. Female members are selected, based on weight and looks, not their ability. And after selecting the lightest cute girls, they force them to lose even more weight. Team selection is not based on effort, but rather more on weight, looks, and how much the seniors like you. Basically, if the seniors favour you, you can skip training half the time and make it as the star of the performance. There are so many others down there who work so much harder, attend trainings so much more faithfully, aim to lose weight even, and they do not get a place, just because the seniors deem them not "good enough". They cut people who attend training religiously and puts in 100% effort during training, and try to retain someone who skips training for personal matters half the time, to the extent of making her the star of the performance, just so she does not quit the organisation.

On top of that, and thats the thing that I cannot stand the most, is the weight issue. In fact, its driving me crazy. If you're not fat, you're not fat. Why do the loser guys from that organisation keep harping on the weight issue to make the girls lose weight? So that they pussies can have an easier life? I admit, I concede even, its tough especially for the guys. But that means that you should train more, and not to start a psychological warfare with the ladies to get them to lose weight. Whats with weight taking every single training. Does the 300g-500g really make so much of a difference? Think about it. It may be fun for you guys, and it may appear like a joke to irritate the ladies no end about their weight. But if you see the kind of drastic measures they take to lose weight, you will think twice about muttering the same comment again, even if its under your breath.

I do not mind that our time is being cut short by so much. I have my own commitments as well, and its something you've always wanted to do. I am not even harping on the countless bruises, that pains my heart every time I see them. I take it that those are part and parcel of training. But I honestly think that the weight issue is becoming totally irrational. It is such that its taking over your life and governing your mood. Like this morning I weighed and I dropped by Xkg. I am so happy its a good day. Just now I weighed and I gained Ykg. Sadness. I am going to eat one apple a day, so I can lose weight. Other than that, because of the prevalent politics that is governing it, working hard may not even guarantee you a place in the team. If you really want to be in the team, its not about working hard anymore, its about playing politics. Maybe its not obvious now, but it will be in time to come.

I think I sound very very harsh. But then thats the reason why I am typing everything here and not spewing it out to you directly, so that you can slowly absorb what I have to say, and think about how right or how wrong it is, and also think, was that really what you envisioned when you dreamt of joining them?

小酒窝

我还在寻找
一个依靠和一个拥抱
谁替我祈祷替我烦恼
为我生气为我闹

幸福开始有预兆
缘分让我们慢慢紧靠
然后孤单被吞没了
无聊变得有话聊有变化了

小酒窝长睫毛
是你最美的记号
我每天睡不着想念你的微笑
你不知道你对我多么重要
有了你生命完整的刚好

小酒窝长睫毛
迷人得无可救药
我放慢了步调
感觉像是喝醉了
终于找到心有灵犀的美好
一辈子暖暖的好
我永远爱你到老